When People Leave

Yesterday, me and my friends gave another one of our friends a sending-off party.
He is a close friend, and he's moving overseas on a permanent basis, so... :'(
We planned a surprise party for him, with a picture of all of us so he wouldn't forget us, and his favorite, blueberry cheesecake, which was so tasty.
People come into your life. Some of them, you're gonna enjoy their company. Some, you're gonna want to strangle. But, hey, bottom line is, people leave.
Everyone has to leave someday. That's the sad truth about life.
You're born alone, you'll die alone. It's not like The Notebook where you'll die with your spouse in the same deathbed. Yes, you're born alone, just as you'll die alone. But the period between these two events, is the true miracle, called life. It's where you meet new people, get to know them. It's where you lose people, where you learn to love, to trust.
Sometimes, when they leave, you're gonna be really sad. You're gonna cry, and your brain's gonna feel like it's gonna explode. Your heart's gonna hurt so much that it's gonna feel like no amount of crying is gonna make it go away. The truth is, sometimes you're gonna hurt so much that no amount of crying is gonna make it go away.
I'm not gonna be a hypocrite, and say, "Don't cry." Cry. Cry till you can cry no more. Because when you lose someone, your heart IS gonna hurt. You WILL cry. You WILL lock yourself in your room. You will do all of these things because, well...
As Norman Bates said(I've recently started watching Bates Motel), "I think grief is just the period of time it takes for your brain to accept that someone's gone.Cause everything in your body, your mind, your entire being, just keeps bringing you back to the moment that they're still alive. It takes a long time for your body to let go of that. It's the hardest thing of all... To let go of someone you love."
It's so true, don't you think? Grief is just me trying to catch up to the fact that someone I love, I just lost.
Someone I spent my days with, laughing, smiling, talking, is going.
Tears will spill, hearts will break.
But, I think the thing to remember is..
Sometimes, even the good ones leave... And the better ones arrive.

My heart isn't made of glass, it's an organ, silly. Neither is yours.
Someone will leave, but for the better. Someone will come, and make you that much happier.
Just like the night will prevail, to pave way for the light of the day.

When people leave,
you're gonna cry,
You're gonna ask why,
But you'll be alright.

When people leave,
It's gonna hurt,
It's gonna seem unfair,
And the world won't seem to care.

But remember this,
It won't last forever,
Cry for a while,
Then smile, and get on with life.

Some Days

So, I remember this new year, being stuck with a particularly interesting group of five adults.
A warm day on a Dubai beach, four grown-ups swimming in the water and the last of them standing with me in the ankle-length clear blue-green water, led to a very interestingly mature and deep conversation that is not washed out of my system as of yet.
She told me not to care what other people thought of me. She told me to follow my dreams, irrespective of other's expectations of me. She told me this, and one of the other grown-ups came out of the water.
On hearing our conversation, he expressed his own opinion.
He said if a writer doesn't care what his readers think of him, he will lose all his readers soon. Agreed.
This rose to an argument between the two. I could not help but smile as these two completely different people argued.
Somewhere along we talked about success, and truly successful people.
And then, the question arose:
'Can success be measured in terms of money?'
This is probably a question each one of us ask ourselves, a question each one of us has a different opinion of.
Many different possible conclusions went through my mind, but I stated only one observation:
'Money can't buy everything, but no money can't buy anything.'

A slight drizzle prevailed, and we decided to call it a day.
As I have said time and again, I'm just fourteen. I do, at times, behave like I know everything. My Twitter and Facebook wall is full of these emotional thoughts and all. But, I am just fourteen. I try being deep, and I think that to a certain point, I am. After that, I'm just plain dramatic.
You may think I am incapable of having an opinion of my own. I tried, but my mind kept changing sides.
As we sat in the car, one of the adults told me something. Which I will never forget. Those few words, have helped me form an opinion. It's not too deep, or complicated.
It's simple:
'Whatever you do, do it with enthusiasm. That's all you really need to be happy.'

Some days, still, when I feel lost, I think of this, and it leads me back on track.
Do what you love, or love what you do. Either way, don't do something you don't want to.

"Sometimes I lay under the moon, and thank God I'm breathing..."

Apologies, etc.

I’m sorry if I ever gave you a reason to be upset with me,

I’m sorry if I ever behaved badly.

I’m sorry if there’s something I’m not seeing,

I’m sorry it’s got to do with me.

I’m sorry if I never listened,

I’m sorry it has come to this.

Every time you lied,

I'm sorry I never stopped to think, why?

I'm sorry I gave you my forgiveness way too easily,

I’m sorry I treated this so coolly.

Every time you forgot me,

Every time you lost me,

Every time you just never remembered,

I’m sorry I never said anything.

But I’m tired of being the bigger person,

I’m tired of having to be the one that gives in.

I’m sorry to be saying sorry,

I’m sorry it wasn’t my mistake.

I’m tired of not being listened to,

I’m tired of you.

Do It All Again

School is like a second home? Sure.
Teachers are like second mothers? Okay...
Come on, none of us teenagers really like studying, now, do we? I can be home-schooled. The only reason we attend that stupid mental asylum, is because...
You wake up, and sleepily do everything, have a bath, change, do your hair, apply lotion. "Only 8 hours of sleep isn't freaking enough time for me to sleep!" Drink the milk, wear your shoes, and the bus honks.
"Leave!" Your mum shouts, and the next thing, you've slung your bag over your shoulder, and you're rushing down the stairs."Ow!" You wince when you trip over the last step and land on your butt. But before even 2 seconds, you're back on your feet, rushing to the gate.
Everything seems to move in freakin' slow motion as you run towards your bus. You see the bus almost going, and you finally reach. The conductor shakes his head, and you enter the bus, panting, but smiling nevertheless.
You finally made it. You sit on the crappy seats of the bus. You listen to your idiot juniors yap and crack stupid jokes that aren't even funny. To say that you roll your eyes every minute is an understatement.
Wait. Just another 15 minutes...
You sleepily smile as you make it into the school premises, but are completely awake as you see your friend's bus pull in just after yours. She waves frantically, and you head down. You wait outside her bus, and she comes. "Heyyyy!" you both yell, hugging the very life out of each other.
And that's why we teenagers go to school. Friends.
It's commercial studies. You yawn and can barely keep your eyes open. You almost sleep, but snap your head up, and look around, when you see your friend's face. It looks ridiculous, and she makes faces when the teacher turns her back. Before you know it, she has a paper ball in her hand, and throws it on the teacher. "Who was it?" Seems to be the teacher's question, and for some reason, the teacher reminds you of Mrs. Dodds from Percy Jackson. Your friend smiles mischievously, covering it up with a very obviously fake cough.
That's what kept me awake today during commerce!
Recess. Ah! Food and friends! The deadliest yet most fun combination ever!
The bell rings, and you shut your books and dump it into your bag. Your friends from the other division rush into your class a moment after, and you remove your food. You gobble it all up along with your friends, and as soon as you do, in goes the box, and out go you.
And those last ten minutes you just get lost with your besties. Roaming the school like it's your kingdom and you're the king! Spending five minutes going from the topmost floor to the ground floor. Finding that one flight of stairs no one uses, and sitting there, all of you, reminiscing about the 'old' days. Thinking nothing could be better than this. Thinking nothing could ruin this moment.
Then the bell rings, and all of you shoot up the stairs, mowing down anything and everything that comes your way. You have to reach in time for next period. Panting, you hug them goodbye, and enter the boring class of yours. Ouch.
Cracking dirty jokes during class, laughing behind the teacher's back. Tickling your friend, her trying to control her laughter. And, oh! The teasing.
Then the bell rings, and it's time to go home. You're not as excited for that as you are to meet your friends for the last time in the day. You rush down the stairs, and there, you see your friends waiting for you on the ground floor, where you hug them and start walking(yeah, we girls hug a lot). The walk from there to the buses, are filled with talks about the day's event. Who pranked whom, who likes whom*giggle*, who fell down, which teacher suspended whom, et cetera. And then there's that point when your buses have to leave, and you frown.
Ouch, I wish the day didn't have to end.

But, hey, you know what? The best part about it, is you go home, fool around, and sleep at night, and then... You get to do it all again.

"There won't be another tonight nut as soon as it ends... We'll do it all again!"

Love According to me

Love.
What do I think about love?
Let's see. I used to think it is overrated. To some extent, I still think it is. When I hear people say, "I can't live without him!" And "I don't know who I am without him anymore! He is all I have!" I just don't get it.
I'm sorry, but I honestly just don't.
I believe that love, to a certain extent, is fine. When you love each other, et cetera. Like in movies. The moment the other person starts becoming your identity,.I lose track.
I believe that there truly is only one person you can trust- yourself.
Don't depend on other people for your happiness. Not on your parents, not on your friends, not on the guy you love. Everyone else will let you down. Trust yourself, and get on with life.
Know that when you will give your heart to someone, there is that 5% chance of them breaking it. If you're ready to take that risk, then do it. But if you're not, then don't blame anyone when your heart breaks.
You're gonna fall, and get up. Fall a hundred times, but get up and try again every time.
I heard this song, Say Something. The lyrics goes something like:

"And I will stumble and fall

I'm still learning to love,

Just starting to crawl..."

I think that explains what I'm trying to say. 

I want love someday. Not the overrated kind, the normal kind. 

Everybody needs somebody to love. And love isn't love 'til you give it away.

Nothing in life comes for free; if it did, we'd all be happy right now. But we're not. 

Often, we're sad, that's when we know what happiness is. What's the light without the dark? Or the music without the silence? 

Everything in life comes at least, at a risk. Take it. You've got nothing to lose.

Trust

Trust is like glass. If a person trusts you, make sure not to break it.
It is not an easy thing to gain. It is not very easy to give it so someone either.
To me, trust is complicated.
I trust my friends. Some of them are worth it, some of them break it. I think after fourteen years, I know what people are to be trusted, and who are not.
I have broken the trust of someone very important to me. Someone that was once very close, someone that once meant so much to me. That person still does. Hence, this post.

Someone once told me, "Trust, once broken, can never be gained back."
I beg to differ, though.
Everyone deserves a second chance. Everyone deserves a chance to explain themselves. Everyone is a human, and makes mistakes. But make the same mistake more than once, and it's not a mistake.
If you can work out the differences, set the meter back to zero, by putting it all out there, the trust can be gained back.

Trusting people is something not many people can do.
Trusting people is not something I can do very easily.

"I don't trust easily. When I say I trust you, please don't make me regret it."

If I were a Bird

Soaring above my head,

A bird of many colors,

As I watch it pass by,

I think to myself,

'How interesting life must be,

For a bird so free!'

Just spread your wings,

and fly away,

Life can be what you want it to be,

Living life by the day.

No worries for tomorrow,

Just seeing new faces,

Going new places,

And be on your way on the morrow.

The world must seem so small,

From up there, high up in the clouds.

No school, no homework, no studies,

No heartache, just fly away from all your problems.

That's what my life would be like,

If I were a bird.

Who you are

I am a fourteen year old girl. As you must know, teen girls are fussy, throw tantrums,  obsess over their hair, take loads of selfies, live off of the internet and phones. There are two paths this post could take-  in the first, I say I'm not like that. I say I'm Miss Goody Two Shoes, and move on to say how perfectly I do things. In short, I could lie.
And in the second one, I say I'm exactly like that. I obsess over my hair, wash it once every two days, tie it when I go to sleep so I don't have tangles in the morning. I have a brush, a normal comb, and a wide toothed comb. I like trying new hairdos. I don't like it if anyone touches my hair or messes it up. If you do, you better run for your life I'm on your case now. I'm being serious right now, yes. I take so many selfies, honestly, it's not even funny. Go ahead, look up my Facebook or Twitter. My mother is sick of my selfies, and my phone storage is full. I had to delete some really good ones, too, recently. Aw, shame it is. Anyways. I am fussy. I don't like it if anyone cleans up my room. I cannot live without my laptop, it has my music, and most importantly, my stories. I cannot live without my phone, please that's common sense. Ditto with my iPod.
I go with the latter.

But, you know, I wasn't always like that. There was a time when I was Miss Goody Two Shoes. I listened to my mum and never threw tantrums.
But all of that changed in one year. In the year 2013, when I turned thirteen.

I started being a pain in the bum teen. My grades went lower and lower like a mountain slope- a steep one, at that.
Everything changed for me. In January 2013, I wanted to be a dancer and perform on Broadway. In June 2013, I wanted to sing.
It's funny how life can turn upside down all the way through in just four months. Take it from me, I have experienced it.
For me, dancing was escape. But I soon realized, dancing is to obtain perfection- the right mudras, et cetera. I'm not criticizing the art, I just wasn't that kind of a person, I'm still not.
I used to learn Kathak, and I told my mum I wanted to quit. Everyone tried to get me to continue, but I had my mind made.
And after that, for three months, I just didn't know who I was. Dancing. That was all I knew of myself, and now that I wasn't doing it anymore, what was I supposed to do?
It was like floating around in space, with no gravity to pull you back home. It was looking down at my hands and just wondering, "where am I?" The worst part was questioning myself. "Is this who I really am?"
All that disappeared soon enough.
One day, just sitting in my room. I looked around myself and saw a mess of a person. I sighed, and looked around once again. And then I saw something. Something, through the thick mist. I got up, and walked towards it, and the fog started to clear. And the moment I picked it up, I knew it is my identity.
The guitar is my identity.

So, I started learning the guitar. It's such fun. Each string means something, each is a different voice. Each hits a different note with such beauty. It's medicine to the ears, really. To the soul, too.

And then everything started going back to normal. Well, not really, but I started to be... okay.
My thirteenth year. It's the year that I looked into the mirror and I wasn't the same girl anymore. And the thing is, I felt no regret or remorse looking into that mirror. I felt good. Because you know how people say you never know what you have til you've lost what you have? I lost myself.
And then I realized, I hadn't. I realized that, 'I'm just thirteen. If anything, I may have just found who I really am.'
When you give everything up. Throw it all away, you're still gonna be left with... YOU. Your soul, the real you.
You can never lose who you really are. It's always gonna be there with you as a part of your soul.

"Just be true to who you are."

Today

Life is like a roller coaster,
It will take you up and down,
In unexpected ways it will take you places,
Up, about and around.

Life is like a book,
With many pages to be written,
Blank it is as of yet,
Now fill it with emotion.

Life is like a flower,
Yet blooming, yet fresh,
Water it, nurture it,
It's beautiful, you will see.

Life is like music,
It is to be created,
It is in your hands,
And it is waiting to be played.

Life is beautiful,
Life is short,
Live it to its fullest,
And don't let any obstacle of the sort,
Stand in your way,
Because you only have today.

MUSIC

I wanna talk about music.

What is music? A bunch of instruments being played together to form a tune? Maybe, but that's only on the surface.
Music is so much more than beats and rhythms and chords. Music is deeper than any other ocean.
Music is what emotions sound like. It says what cannot be expressed. It is connecting with your soul. It is finding peace within oneself.

Music means as much to me as my writing does. To think of life without music is like living a life with no oxygen.

You may never even realize it, but the music will always be there, to calm your nerves, to soothe you, and for you to groove to.

The feeling that you get when you listen to a song and it explains exactly how you feel, is unexpressable. Music can give you so much joy. When you hum a song while doing some important work.

It can be so many things to so many people. To me, it is my escape. No one can do anything about my music. It is the one thing in my life that remains untouched and unmoved, irrespective of other's views and opinions.

No one can tell me my music is 'wrong'. No one can edit my playlist. It is in my hands.
When a song can tell exactly how you feel at that moment, it is one of the best feelings. It feels like so long everything has been going haywire, and suddenly, the universe decides to align the stars in your favor.

Music has the power to heal. It can heal a broken heart.

You know it's good music, when it has the ability to captivate you entirely- your mind, your soul and your body. When it can make you want to cry, and does make you cry. When it makes you smile. When it makes you feel like you're not the only one in this world that's suffering.

Music is poetry. Music is the truth. Music is my escape.

"The purpose of my music is to take it all away..."

My favorite quotes

Okay, today I'm gonna make a list of my favorite quotes. I may know some of the names of the people who said them, and then I may not, too. Expect quotes by musicians and stuff, or even lyrics from songs. Yep, I'm that kind of a person.
"The only thing I know is that I know nothing at all." This is from an Emblem3 song, Curious. I love this quote, it completely explains me right now.
"When life hands you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all like... WHAT?!" This one is by Phil Dunphy in Modern Family.
"My guitar is not a thing. It is an extension of me. It is who I am."
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."
"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the previous one." A reader would understand this the best.
"Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one." This one's by Bruce Lee.
"I find beauty in the most imperfect and odd things. They're so much more interesting."
"People are more difficult to work with than machines. And when you break a person, he can't be fixed." Rick Riordan.
"If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself." Also Rick Riordan.
"With great power comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later." This was in The Last Olympian.
"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." Wuthering Heights, Cathering Earnshaw.

These are the quotes that make most sense to me. They teach me something and mean a lot.
Like I said, this is gonna e dramatic. So, I'm gonna end now, with another quote.
"When all else fades, the music will still be playing."

Drama

I can't really think right now, to be honest. Let me tell you something about myself. I am fourteen. I love writing. It's my passion that has been burning bright ever since I can remember. But here's another thing about me- I get distracted way too easily. I can't do continuous stories. I can't maintain a diary. But that's not an excuse. So, here I am, blankly typing in some words onto my laptop, hoping it is a good enough topic to start out with.
I want to be a writer- like Chetan Bhagat or Rick Riordan, perhaps. But if I have to, I can't make up random excuses. If I want it bad enough, I have to show it. I have to try. I have to try and write.
Let's see, in a total, I think I have had about seven diaries. All of those, and mark my words, not excluding one, are full of some crap for the first three to four pages, and then blank.
I'm the kind of person that likes to complicate things in life just for the dramatic effects. So, expect many emotional, sad, over-exaggerated narratives of my life in further posts of this blog.
I've had my shares of ups and downs in life. It's all so normal, but I, as a writer, dramatize everything.
Other trivia about me. I have a lab named Neo. I live in Mumbai. I do not believe in Valentines Day or Holi. I have very recently started believing in love *blush blush*. Music and writing are two things keeping me alive. They're my food and oxygen, can't live without either. I read loads and even more.
I have no idea why I just typed in what I did, honestly. I guess this is how vain my thoughts actually are. Or maybe not. I have no idea what topic I'm supposed to write about next. I wanna write more, I really do. But my battery is dying and it's 10 in the night and my mother is shouting at me, asking me to go to sleep. Ugh my life is so hectic.
Thanks for reading this post. And if you are, please read on. I think it's gonna get more interesting, I'm gonna look up a few blogs later in the week.
But, expect drama, drama, and some more drama.