Self Harm

Self harm isn't suicide.
I know, because I do it.

People that don't harm themselves, usually think this:
a. "You do it for attention. Wannabe."
b. "You're not even gonna die! Why not cut your head off?" Aaaaaaand then back to the attention-seeking thing.
c. "OHHHMYGODD  she is soooooo creepy. She's such a psycho, ew."

I know this, because I have gone through all three.
Well, here's the truth:
I don't know about the rest, but I don't do it for attention. I can have attention if I want it.
And, yeah, I don't do it because I wanna die.
My reason for cutting is that... You know how, when you grow up, it's so sudden, and it finally starts to feel real, but soooooo much changes and it all feels like a dream? That's somewhat what I go through everyday. 
Sometimes, the dream is more of a nightmare. And maybe, I can't take it anymore, maybe I just wanna wake up from this hell of a life.
But, that's when I cut. 
I cut, so I can remind myself, that this is who I am now. I have to brace the pain, face my worst fears, because life isn't a playground anymore, it's all real, and I'm real. This pain is real. 
I don't give up when I cut. I keep myself from doing just that when I do. 

And I'm no psycho, period. Have you met or seen Norman Bates?
.... Now, that is psycho.

And, here's a little word of advice to everyone who cuts: 
It'll go away when it has to. I can try to stop you, but you're the only one that can really stop yourself. Find comfort in someone older or wiser, maybe some friend, even, someone that understands. And of no one does, do what I do: write. Or sing. Or dance. Anything that makes you happy, really. But don't suppress the pain.

And, here's advice to those who don't cut:
If someone you know cuts, don't make fun of them, or call them 'psycho'. You may not even know it, but you're cutting even deeper into their soul. These words hurt, and it'll someday make someone completely hollow.

So, yeah, self harm isn't suicide.
To me, it's a way for the truth to settle in.

It isn't dramatic, like in the movies or books or legendary stories.
It isn't even brave, hell.
But it isn't fake and cowardice, either.

STAY STRONG. 

"Okay."

"Okay."
One word, right?
Wrong.

It' more than just a word, you know?
It's got a lot of emotion in it.
It's funny how just one word that consists of only four letters can describe such an infinitive, yet somehow undescribable feeling.

"Okay" has just been an everyday word, for the longest time for me. Just, yeah, okay.
There's this book, that's been adapted into a movie. "The Fault In Our Stars."
Heard of it? Of course you've heard of it.
'Till I completed that book, and watched the movie, "Okay", to me, was just another word.

You know what I love about the book?
The fact that their love story, Hazel and Augustus, I mean. Their love story didn't need a, like, a long punchline, or like a 'Forever and Always,' or 'For as long as we both exist, our love will exist, and even after all the world seizes to exist, I will continue loving you'.
No.
Their love is based on this one simple idea:
Oblivion is inevitable.
At Gus' prefuneral, Hazel says somewhere in her eulogy, "I will not tell you our love story, because like all other real love stories, it will die with us. As it should."
As it should.
I love that about it.
They both know that they're gonna die at some point, you know? Yet, they risk falling in love. Because, of course, one of them would die, and it would hurt the other. Most people don't want to hurt.
But that's the kind of love I believe in, the kind of love I look for. The kind that is ready to feel the pain and hurt and emptiness for the next five years, ten years-maybe even the rest of your waking moments on this planet-just to spend that one month with that one person you know you can never stop loving.

"Perhaps 'Okay' can be our 'Always'."
The kind of love that will speak for you, that will tell you, 'You don't need forever, as long as you've got each other.'
Okay, I'm not gonna lie and say I don't want forever with the boy that I love; I never want to let him go, ever.
But, I want to have that kind of courage and faith in myself, in the person I love, and in love itself, to let go, and say 'I'm ready for the impact.'

Love isn't easy- to find, keep or let go of.

"Oblivion is inevitable. And I'm in love with you."
The kind of love that gives you not the physical strength, but the courage to go on.
The kind of love that even disease and death cannot undo.

"Okay?"
"Okay."