Thursday, 10 July 2014

Self Harm

Self harm isn't suicide.
I know, because I do it.

People that don't harm themselves, usually think this:
a. "You do it for attention. Wannabe."
b. "You're not even gonna die! Why not cut your head off?" Aaaaaaand then back to the attention-seeking thing.
c. "OHHHMYGODD  she is soooooo creepy. She's such a psycho, ew."

I know this, because I have gone through all three.
Well, here's the truth:
I don't know about the rest, but I don't do it for attention. I can have attention if I want it.
And, yeah, I don't do it because I wanna die.
My reason for cutting is that... You know how, when you grow up, it's so sudden, and it finally starts to feel real, but soooooo much changes and it all feels like a dream? That's somewhat what I go through everyday. 
Sometimes, the dream is more of a nightmare. And maybe, I can't take it anymore, maybe I just wanna wake up from this hell of a life.
But, that's when I cut. 
I cut, so I can remind myself, that this is who I am now. I have to brace the pain, face my worst fears, because life isn't a playground anymore, it's all real, and I'm real. This pain is real. 
I don't give up when I cut. I keep myself from doing just that when I do. 

And I'm no psycho, period. Have you met or seen Norman Bates?
.... Now, that is psycho.

And, here's a little word of advice to everyone who cuts: 
It'll go away when it has to. I can try to stop you, but you're the only one that can really stop yourself. Find comfort in someone older or wiser, maybe some friend, even, someone that understands. And of no one does, do what I do: write. Or sing. Or dance. Anything that makes you happy, really. But don't suppress the pain.

And, here's advice to those who don't cut:
If someone you know cuts, don't make fun of them, or call them 'psycho'. You may not even know it, but you're cutting even deeper into their soul. These words hurt, and it'll someday make someone completely hollow.

So, yeah, self harm isn't suicide.
To me, it's a way for the truth to settle in.

It isn't dramatic, like in the movies or books or legendary stories.
It isn't even brave, hell.
But it isn't fake and cowardice, either.

STAY STRONG. 



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